What the ‘Venue’ has joined together, let no one put asunder.

When I look at the trend of weddings held outdoors — beneath trees, beside lakes, on a beach, in a vineyard — I think about how much these ceremonies reveal about who we are and where we stand as a society. I also feel the need to pause, reflect, and ask: what are we gaining out there in the open air, among trees and balloons, and what are we quietly leaving behind?

You may think that I want to speak against outdoor weddings or tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. No! Your life is yours, and you can do what you want. I just want to share my thoughts with you, hoping they might offer some food for thought.

The Outdoor Wedding Speaks

When I see a couple choose a garden or a beach sunset for their marriage, I sense a desire to have this moment reflect who they are, rather than simply follow a default template offered by traditional solutions. They are basically: “This is our space, our story, our backdrop.”

It seems the ceremony becomes less “sit down, watch” and more “share, feel, breathe together.” 

Nevertheless….

While I understand these shifts, I am also aware of the shadows that accompany them. I think it is important to name some of these without moralising, simply to face what is going on out there.

There is a thin line between what feels meaningful and what feels made-up. When an outdoor wedding place becomes only about the “Instagram photo,” it turns into a kind of status show. I feel that sometimes the beauty of nature becomes just a background in a bigger story of showing and consuming; the larger the space, the nicer the view, the more we say it is a “luxury wedding.” I wonder: are we marrying the person we love, or the setting we can pay for? Are guests watching a sacred promise, or just another lifestyle event?  Are we finally marrying the person we love, or are we trying to compete with the reality show industry?

I meet many couples preparing for their marriage in the Church. I often notice that their focus is on the reception. I always must remind them, in one way or another, that the wedding rite is the most important part; it’s the moment when they promise eternal love and are declared husband and wife. If I were to get married — not anytime soon, LOL — I would make the Church ceremony the event, because that is the moment when our eternal promise truly echoes.

End of the Community:

“It’s my marriage!” — that’s often the attitude today. Many people who choose to live together without marriage tell me, “I don’t need a piece of paper to love him (or her).” I completely agree with them, unless we move to a different vision of marriage: one that understands marriage not as a private affair, but as a mission for the good of society. The family is the fundamental cell of society; a good and healthy family gives rise to a good and healthy community. Are weddings becoming fewer moments of communal ritual and more consumer-driven gatherings? 

Inequality: The tendency for the marriage show tends to penalise those who cannot afford it, sometime even refraining them from getting married anytime soon or not at all. Are we introducing a new kind of exclusion, where the “dream location” is tacitly part of the wedding script? Has the wedding become the match where everyone tries to outdo everyone? While no one is forced to have a luxury outdoor wedding, the pressure toward “beautiful backdrop” may inadvertently penalise those who cannot afford it.

Let’s hold open the question

I believe outdoor weddings can express deep and meaningful needs: a desire for more authenticity, for a stronger connection with nature, and for a genuine bond among people. I like that. I cheer for weddings where guests truly feel present, where the ritual connects hearts.

We priests should keep this in mind when we preside over a wedding, rather than standing there like frozen mammoths from the Ice Age.

Nevertheless, what I struggle to understand are those Catholics who have received all the sacraments of the Church yet place their faith at the very bottom of their priorities on one of the most beautiful days of their lives.

Is it not the Lord Himself who is the love that unites you both?Is it not the Lord who created the beaches, the vineyards, and the gardens?Is it not the Lord who gives life and will bless your family with your children and your children’s children?Is it not the Lord who will send His grace when the storm shakes your house?

A beach wedding forces me to recall the words of Jesus:

“Everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” (Matthew)

Yes, my dear friend, the grapes will not come to save you, but Grace will. 

Photo by Sven Piek on Unsplash